I’ve been thinking about friendship a lot lately. So many of the digital devices that supposedly connect us are leaving many of us, myself included, feeling a bit lonely.
Yes, it’s true that email, text messaging, Teams, Zoom and social media can be enjoyable and beneficial, and that they can spawn wonderful relationships.
I’ve recently helped my elderly neighbour get on to WhatsApp so she can video call us and her son who lives on the other side of the world; she loves it!
For me though, I spend a lot of time looking up her nose or into her ear because she hasn’t quite got the grasp of it.
I think it’s also that I’m feeling a bit of “Teams” fatigue, a two-dimensional series of events throughout my work day. Digital media has really helped me feel connected to work both internally and externally, but I long for a chin wag over a coffee, standing outside on of our office chatting to someone while they smoke, feeling pissed off at the train being packed and having to stand for hours when I’ve paid nearly £200 for the ticket - the consolation being that you’re usually able to strike up a conversation with someone about it.
Now, I moan about the lack of an online delivery slot, the noise my neighbour makes when I have to get online… Before Covid I didn’t care, so why do I care now, and also who the hell am I moaning to now, the dog?!
Teams and Zoom have become about work, we’ve digitalised it. The novelty has worn off.
Online relationships simply cannot replace real, live, in-person connection. The people we work alongside tell us this all the time, that’s why they look forward to seeing and hearing from the lovely folk at P3. I have no idea why we thought we could manage this any differently.
So, although it looks like I’ve gone into some kind of rant about ‘digital’, quite the opposite, it’s great for work, it’s great to get things done, it’s great to help us stay connected. We will be using it for a lot of our work going forward.
Not all the time though.
There’s just something special and irreplaceable about being physically present with another human being. And no, there’s not — and I can’t imagine there ever will be — an app for that. The ease of the conversation has sparked so many good things at work and prevented so many bad things too.
Digital doesn’t work for real friendships either.
There’s lots of scientific evidence to give plenty of insight on what close friends do for us. They give us confidence and bolster our sense of self, especially during tough times, and my word, we are in tough times. They increase our sense of purpose and belonging. And they significantly influence some of our most important behaviours.
Studies have found that if you have a friend who becomes fat you are 57 per cent more likely to become fat; (just so you know I will be legitimately blaming others for my size – you know who you are lol) if you have a friend who quits smoking you become 36 per cent less likely to start lighting up.
The flipside of this is also true: when your friends adopt healthy behaviours, like regular exercise, you become much more likely to do the same.
What or who — makes a good friend?
In other words, the people with whom you surround yourself have an enormous impact on your life. In many ways, they shape it.
Friendships that are worth protecting and cherishing don’t emerge overnight, and they require considerable energy to maintain — as Aristotle wrote, “lack of conversation has broken many a friendship” — but what you get out of these friendships easily outweighs what you put in.
It’s a good way of separating work and play. Avoid the lazy use of digital to sustain these important relationships. Pick the phone up, go for a walk together (when we are allowed out) make being together in real life your top priority. Digital is too binary to sustain real, deep meaningful friendships. It will do your sense of wellbeing no end of good.
So brace yourself my friends, as soon as I’m allowed, you’re going to see a lot more of me!
Thanks
Mark
Coming up at P3 in December…
Hanukkah
The eight-day Jewish festival starts on 12 December and we’ll be celebrating across P3 with doughnuts; your manager will let you know how to collect yours!
We also want to share your stories on the blog. What does Hanukkah mean to you? How will you be celebrating? Get in touch at comms@p3charity.org!
12 days of Christmas: a P3 singalong spectacular!
Calling all Christmas carollers… We’re looking for homemade videos of your favourite Christmas tunes to get everyone in P3 in the festive mood during December! TikTok, Lip-sync, dance, sing your heart out – it’s up to you, the only rule is that it has to be Christmas-themed!
Send your videos in to comms@p3charity.org by Friday 11 Dec (don’t post them on Workplace yet!)
Where’s Mark?
Look out for #MakeBelieveMark, and the ELT popping up in your neighbourhood soon! The Executive Leadership Team may not be able to get out and about as much as they’d like at the moment, but over the next few months, your service may well be receiving a ‘visit’. Keep your eyes open, cameras at the ready and see if you can #SpotTheLeader!
>>If you missed the ‘Together We’ve Got This!’ Calendar from a few weeks back,download it here.
P3 has won a place on Social Enterprise UK’s Roll of Honour for our response to the Covid crisis!
December’s ‘Do Good’ calendar from Action for Happiness – click to download. It’s also worth checking out their free wellbeing web events here: https://www.actionforhappiness.org/events
