From Derbyshire Mental Health Helpline Triage Worker Emma Johnson

I work for the Derbyshire Mental Health 24/7 Support Line within P3, and I just wanted to share a little about my journey …

When I was 14 my mum passed away.

Shortly after this, my dad started to sexually abuse me. This can be a very difficult and triggering thing for people to read about so I’m not going to go into the details of what happened.

I kept the abuse a secret for many years, it wasn’t until I was 26 that I disclosed what had happened to my therapist. The process was very confusing, in a matter of days everyone knew, and my dad had gone from my life. I remember feeling heartbroken knowing that people knew and somehow, I thought it was all my fault. I felt guilty for sharing—meaning my dad was now going to be in trouble—and my mental health began to decline.

Looking back, I think I was slowly processing that I had actually been abused, and I was dealing with conflicting emotions including guilt and shame. I missed my mum even more and felt like no one could possibly understand how I was feeling.

Not so many months later, I was admitted to a mental health facility in Derby, I really didn’t like being in this place and I realised I could allow what had happened to me to take over the rest of my life or I could have a future of my own.

I decided on the future of my own.

I realised I needed something to focus on, a challenge, so I decided to climb Kilimanjaro. I thought I could raise money for a survivor’s charity. I knew I would need to train and be healthy, and I wanted to help myself and others in the process.

Once I was discharged from the hospital, the training began. I booked the Yorkshire Three Peaks Challenge only six weeks after this and surprisingly completed the challenge in under eleven hours! I had never felt so proud of myself; it was a buzz like no other. This was in 2018. I was then due to climb Kilimanjaro in April 2019, so I was in the Peaks all the time, but then Covid came, and it was delayed.

Since the restrictions have lifted, I’ve been training again and have recently completed Ben Nevis, Snowdon, the Welsh 3 Peaks and a few weeks back I did the Yorkshire 3 Peaks again! Plus, I have few more booked in. I now hope to climb Kilimanjaro next year and have raised £2,500.00 so far for charity.

Being outside and hiking/walking is what really changed my outlook on life. I love looking at the views and realised how beautiful the world is. Now I love challenging myself and realising what I am capable of – it really does clear the mind, because I am focusing on the goal ahead, where I am going to next and looking at the views. I’m not thinking about the issues of my past. I do still have my bad days of course, but I just think about how far I’ve come and think about what more I could do!

Please use the link below if you’d like to donate to The Survivors Trust and support Emma’s Kilimanjaro climb:

https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/emma-johnson129