Mark's Blog

This week we bring you a blog from our Gloucestershire correspondent, Thor T Goat, who lives with Cliff Naylor of P3 Cheltenham and his wife Alix.

Thor’s Thorts

This is me and my brother Loki. Originally, I was Loki and he was Thor until they worked out he was the naughty one, which is unfortunate as his horns are very sharp and pointy whereas mine curl back (in a very attractive way I might add). Cliff has already been to Cheltenham A&E with a large hole in his hand and Alix has a round scar on her lip, which Cliff says makes her look like Cindy Crawford but to me it just looks like a spot. I just give bruises with my friendly butts, heh heh.

Despite his antics, Loki still gets as many treats as me. I taught him to put his hooves on the fence and rest his chin on the top rail with his beard hanging over and look longingly at the patio door. It never takes long before someone pops out with some cabbage or carrot, but our favourite is pineapple skin. Or banana. Or dates. Vegan ice cream mmmm. Garlic is good too, as is raw ginger. Not forgetting peanuts and apples, oh yes, I love apples and the leaves off the trees, which is good as there are seven in our garden.

I can balance on my back legs and reach the low branches, but Loki is hopeless and topples over. We’ve been told off for stripping the bark, but I find if I freeze and stare into the distance they don’t realise it’s me …Then I walk to the back of the garden and eat brambles or pyracantha instead, which is allowed, or we hang out underneath the bird feeders and wait for the birds or squirrels to drop stuff on the floor. Loki always stands too close and gets bits in his hair. Sometimes a magpie lands on his back and picks them out and he doesn’t even notice.

I often hear complaints that we don’t eat weeds or grass, but who would want to eat that when there’s all this yummy stuff around? I don’t even like walking on the wet grass, let alone eating it. Thankfully, there’s block paving running up the side of the garden which is where we do our other favourite activity.

Whenever we’re not eating, it must be time for a poo. Actually, we’ve evolved the ability to walk, eat and poo simultaneously and Cliff obviously likes it as he sweeps it all up to put on the allotment. So, we often walk behind him and poo some more. Just to be nice! Alas we aren’t allowed to go in the house anymore. This might be because I ate some “really important” documents or because Loki peed on the sofa. In fact, that may have been the third time because I keep hearing things about P3 recently.

In return for our kindness we get lots of hugs and scratches, including a special scratch on the soft part of our hoof which makes your head go all funny. And we get to play chase, jump up on the platform and do frenzied leaps in the air which Cliff says he used to do at Buzzcocks concerts. Maybe it’s a spiral scratch that makes it so special …

Anyway, more ‘Thor’s Thorts’ in a future edition perhaps but for now enjoy the rest of the blog.